Just recently, my compadrés and I made it onto Solo and Ensemble playing the Clarinet and the Violin. I myself was the much saught after pianist extrodinare. The bus ride up to Box Elder was a whole grueling hour of torture. Ok, so it wasn't as bad as I am pulling across. Just because we were on a bus full rowdy weird people like ourselves doesn't mean we didn't manage to stay busy. A while before the bus started to move, me, Bri, and C.K. or as newly christened, Bo Bo, decided to amuse ourselves with passing around a dingy notebook to write a story. Because of our horrible situation, stuck in a stationary bus anticipating an hour long ride, this story is probably good for those who really truely don't have anything better to do. It is a bit funny, but mostly stupid. So, last warning. Check to make sure that you really don't have other engagements before proceeding. I'm warning you, that bus ride was a killer. The ride back was worse though; stuck in a four person mini car with a clarinet, violin three backpacks, three fatties and a driver. Anyway, enjoy our boredom as a remedy to yours!
The Story Of Complete Insanity
By: Azzie
Bri
C.K.
AZ- In the beginning, there was nothing. Complete oblivion was the substance of all eternity.
Bri- Then, suddenly, there was something. But what? Was it an apple, a blue pen, a Prince Charming? No, it was...
CK- A sock??? Yes, a sock! It was a big, evil, smelly… it was a danger to all. But why?
AZ- Because it had been discarded from deity. It had become too holey (haha good eh?) for them. It was dropped from on high to the laundry chute of Despair and No Return. Not only that, it was angry.
Bri- The sock felt justified in its anger. After all, had it not been flung aside like a misshaped marshmallow from a bowl of Lucky Charms? Like a shy kid no one wanted on their kick ball team? Like a piece of tape whose ends had stuck together in a crumpled mess? Like a fat man on a sinking life boat? Like a passel of stupid similes spat out upon a paper by a girl who didn’t know what to write? Yes, it had, and it wanted REVENGE!
CK- It took all night to plan this plan of evil revenge. Only one thing got in the way…It was bigger and smellier and pretty much everything better than the poor angry sock it was… the hamper itself that had swallowed him up.
AZ- For many a moon it fell into the bottomless hamper. That is, until it found out that the bottomless hamper actually had a bottom. Jeez what a discovery. For many more moons he sat and festered and attracted flies until his plan was created and put his plan into action the next night.
Bri- The plan was more simple than Sean Dransfield, less confusing than an email from Robby Ballew, and more vicious than a prank call on Connor Hinkley. In other words, it was perfect.
CK- Night after night passed until the plan actually finally worked out. That is because not only did he have to conquer the hamper but also all the clothes and such on top of him. But, at last he was out.
AZ- Finally after long nights of tribulation and suffering from suffocation, he reached the pinnacle! The rim of the eternal hamper was in sight; all he needed to do was flex his knit-purl custom fitted sock muscles and jump. This was exactly what he proceeded to do. He wound himself in a tight knit knot (haha another good one, eh?) and then suddenly…
Bri- an annoying handkerchief popped up next to him.
“Hiya, Fuzzy,” it piped up. “whatcha doin’?”
“Don’t call me Fuzzy,” growled the sock.
“Oh, sorry, Fuzzy. Are you leaving the hamper? Can I come too?”
CK- “NO! who do you think I am?”
“A smelly old sock.”
“You don’t have to answer that!!”
After a long argument, the handkerchief got out of his way and set of once more.
AZ- Once again, he twisted his sockey little body into a tight knit knot (just as good the second time, eh? Eh?) and springing free of the confines of the hamper, or so he thought. Tragically, the lid was closed.
“Farmer Fitzgibbons!!!” swore the sock. “I am just gonna have to wait for someone to open it!”
Then of all things, the handkerchief had heard this.
Bri- “Silly!” said the handkerchief. “This is a woven hamper. There are holes all over the sides.”
The handkerchief led the sock to a hole.
The sock felt sheepish.
“Now what?” asked the handkerchief.
“We-ell,” said the sock, thinking of his simple, unconfusing, vicious revenge plan.
“Now we…
CK- … let me think for a sec.” The handkerchief waited impatiently for his friend to [scribble scribble scribble]. He got on his head. He woke up with not much time left to put his plan to action.
AZ- “OK,” the handkerchief said once the sock had explained the plan a fortnight prior to executing it. “Your plan just sucks.”
The sock was taken aback. Preposterous! Thought the sock. Preposterous again! My plan is flawless!
AHA! said a voice in his mind, thought you could get away with talking bad about your friend.
Aw crap, thought the sock, I’ve grown a conscience.
The sock rolled his sockey little eyes.
“So you have a better plan?” said the sock.
Bri- “Duh,” the handkerchief said, rolling it’s much better-looking hanky eyes.
The handkerchief explained his plan. “It’s not hard,” he added when he was finished.
“All we need is a gold ring, a bag of Fritos, a nickel, three shoelaces, a bobbly pins two, a small bottle of lotion, some carrots, six Band-Aids, a par of tweezers, a 4”x6” piece of carpet, four marbles, some fingernail clippers, a pancake, a pack of Pokémon cards, a raspberry, glitter two plastic bags, a dozen Tic-Tacs, a piece of fleece, a good-luck penny, mushrooms, twine, a twig, nine black beads, a whistle, a container of resin, chocolate chips, bottled water, leather, a pink rayon, cardboard, yellow string, petrified wood, a Hot Wheels car, a few gum wrappers, a dead mosquito, a lot of paper, a strip of green fabric, gravel, a small china plate, a picture of a butterfly, a rabbits foot, a curler, lots of fireworks, and a rubber band.”
“Oh, and that’s not complicated at all,” the sock said sarcastically.
CK- “Oh, yeah and one more thing— a book mark. Well, lets get to work.” Said the handkerchief.
“Wait, you’re kidding, right?” asked the sock, hoping. “so you really think I am that dumb? That will take forever. We really need a better plan!” said the sock.
“What will it be? Mon or your no thought up plan yet?” said the handkerchief.
AZ- “Nope,” said the sock. “Your plan is the stinky one. I’m going to go with my new and revised plan. It goes like this:
!. Tie the stupid hanky in a knot
2. Jump out the stupid hole in the stupid side of the stupid basket
3. MOVE ON WITH THE FREAKIN’ STORY LINE!!”
So to prevent further stalling, the sock followed the steps of his plan and fell down to earth, where he met Brianne Sandorf. She told him exactly what the best plan for revenge was in the next paragraph because she was really good at getting revenge on Jerkfaces who stand in the shadows and chuck nasty crab apples at liars.
Bri- “Your best hope of revenge is to capture Aisley Oliphant and sic her on your enemies,” said Brianne. “ they will be very sorry.”
“Mmmmm!” agreed the wadded up handkerchief.
Brianne untied him and told the sock not to abuse characters she put in the story.
“Then I’ll just abuse you,” retorted the sock. “You have to come help me execute my evil plot.”
“Oh, yeah? Or what?”
CK- NO. This is a strange mixed up story and lets please get on with it. I guesses Aisley or Brianne are our only hope, that is if they GET ALONG! No executions. Just defeat the stupid hamper.
AZ- Fine.
The sock walked thought the trees with Brianne. (they were on EARTH)
“So where do we find Aisley?” the sock inquired. Brianne thought a moment.
“At the Dribble Bib factory.”
The sock was confused. “Dribble Bib?”
“Yeah, sounds crazy but you know, that is the name of them.”
The sock twisted his threaddy features into a grimace of confusion, or at least what he thought was a grimace of confusion.
Brianne, now a bit annoyed at the socks ignorance, clarified.
“Crazy Aisley’s Dribble Bibs: the Essential Equipment for Every Wanna-Be Clarinetist.”
The sock decided it wasn’t worth it.
“Let’s just break into the factory.” He growled.
“She’s not there. I’m getting vibes she’s obsessing over a personalized Dribble Bib for Big Chiddy.”
Bri- “You mean Big Chitty,” the sock corrected.
“Yeah, him,” Brianne said. “The Oboist.”
“Well, let’s go get her.” The sock sighed.
He turned to the hanky. “Okay, on the count of three, dash to Crazy Aisley’s and kidnap her, okay?”
CK- “Great! ONE…TWO…THREE…”
“WAIT!! What are we going to do with her when we get her and how do we do it without getting caught?” asked the handkerchief.
“Good question. Ok, here’s what we’ll do…
AZ- “You go and get the mini chairs out of the primary room.” Said a tree to the right.
“Why?” asked the handkerchief
“Because it can serve as camouflage equipment, a shield from the ugly people who are named Remington who steals people’s stuph and it can also be used as a weapon.” Said the tree to the left.
(Trees are talking, so what?)
The Hanky understood and off he went.
“I’ll be back in 5 minutes!” yelled the hanky over his shoulder.”
“With Aisley, I hope!” yelled the sock.
Bri- The hanky was back in 5 minutes with a black eye and one kicking, screaming Aisley.
“Oh, look, it’s my adopted sister,” Brianne commented. “And she’s not happy…”
“You wouldn’t even allow me to finish drawing the freakin’ ‘y’!!” Aisley yelled.
“Lock her up,” ordered the sock.
CK- “GO AWAY,” yelled Aisley, “LEAVE me alone or else…you…you’ll be sorry.”
AZ-- Then Aisley stopped screaming for a minute.
“On second thought, I’m taking over this story!!” she yelled with a wild look in her eyes.
She grabbed the handkerchief and blew her nose in it and chucked it aside, screaming. The sock suddenly became really scared.
“Maybe this wasn’t such a good idea,” the sock whispered to Brianne.
Aisley then made a sudden grab for the sock and sized him around the throat. She tied him in a knot as he screamed:
“Brianne! Do something!”
“Sorry,” she shrugged, “I can’t do anything.”
Then Aisley swung him around her head, launching him in the direction of the dump. He was a flaming stenchy meteor that scorched over the gate of the dump and into a garbage compacter. So much for revenge.
